Autonomy: The right of a group or person to be independent and govern themselves…
There’s something that nobody is talking about, and it’s likely because most people have never experienced true autonomy. There’s a hidden danger in this type of freedom, and I found it myself.
I’m not sure if there is a greater desire within us than to be autonomous.
The ability to do what you want, when you want, with who you want, for as long as you want.
Everyone wants to feel like they are in control, they want to make their own choices. There are entire books written on how the key to happiness is found in the ability to make your own choices and be autonomous.
In order for a person to feel authentic, to pursue individual growth, to experience creativity, and to feel hope for the future, they must feel as if they are in control of their lives.
These statements are true, and it’s what people by in large are focusing on, but there’s something about this that is not being discussed….
Ask anyone who does not feel totally free, a person who hates their job, or their relationship, who is bound by their finances, a person who could be happy if only they were free and they will tell you that the source of their misery is coming from not being able to do what they want, when they want, with who they want.
They are most likely totally unaware of what reality would be like for them, if they achieved the ultimate autonomy that they were seeking.
You see I’ve lived it. I desired autonomy so much that I worked my way to a place of being entirely autonomous. Not accountable to anyone and to anything.
Having the resources to do whatever I want, when I wanted, to go wherever, and nobody could tell me what to do or how to do it.
It is not what it seems….
Yes autonomy is so important and so valuable, but there is much more to the story.
Autonomy is only a piece of it, and until you get total autonomy you will never know this truth.
That truth is that Freedom is not doing what you want when you want with who you want for as long as you want….. That’s not what it is at all.
Our basic wants as people, our basic desires, our primal instincts push us toward pleasure, they push us towards short term results, they push us towards selfish pursuits, they push us toward consumption, they push us away from pain, discomfort, and from growth of any kind.
And if you are free to allow those things to happen, you will find yourself right back into feelings of bondage and slavery, the depths of which you may not be able to fully comprehend.
Why do you think so many celebrities, athletes and musicians develop drug and alcohol problems after reaching the top of the world? They want to change their mental states.
Understand, happy people don’t need drugs and alcohol to feel good….these are people who can be totally autonomous, they have everything and yet they struggle.
You see this with billionaires, and people that inherit large sums of money. People who win the lottery, people that sell their businesses for millions just to end up in rehab.
It’s because of the other side of the coin.
True freedom is not about doing what you want, when you want, with who you want for as long as you want.
True freedom is doing what you should do, when you should do it, with who you should do it with, for as long as it takes.
That means there is no such thing as true freedom in the absence of absolute discipline.
Discipline is the ONLY thing that creates true unbound autonomy. Autonomy without discipline will lead you into the worst form of hell.
Pay Now or Pay Later, but YOU are Gonna Pay!
The world is set up in this way, we either pay now or we pay more later, but everyone pays and nobody really gets away with anything.
When we accept and pursue short term gain it is almost always paired with long term pain.
The sweet treats make us fat
The frivolous spending makes us poor
The fast money gamble, keeps us broke
The uncommitted love affair, keeps us lonely
The drug high, keeps us feeling low
The smoke in our lungs, gives us cancer
The domine hit from media, makes us depressed
The secret pleasure, leads to long term shame
Criticism and complaining, leads to brokenness
The opposite is true, that if we can endure short term discomfort, by doing what we don’t necessarily want to do, but doing it anyways, then our reward is long term gain.
The workout keeps us healthy
The budget keeps us financially stable
The clean diet leads to a long life
The hard work, leads to feelings of accomplishment
The patience while investing leads to compounded wealth
The resistance to pleasure, leads to confidence
The avoidance of consumption leads to creation and purpose
Putting others before ourselves, leads to lasting happiness
So autonomy itself then, can be a double edged sword. When it’s used in conjunction with discipline, then we are free to pursue what we should pursue, to accomplish what we should accomplish, and to serve who we should serve.
We are free to be everything we were created to be.
But in the absence of discipline, with a mindset that is self-serving, one that believes that happiness and fulfillment come from what we can GET instead of what we can GIVE, autonomy can be the most destructive force imaginable.
One Feeds the Other
Here’s the good news. Discipline, that is as Mike Tyson put it, doing what you hate but doing it like you love it, can start today.
You can start being more disciplined right now, regardless of how trapped or enslaved you may feel.
Autonomy will not naturally lead to discipline, but discipline can serve as a stepping stone to get you to the autonomy that you most desire.
If you are to ever be free from bondage, rather that’s a job you hate, a life circumstance or really any form of perceived oppression, discipline is going to be the primary tool that you will have to use.
Above and beyond that, the spiritual, emotional and physical bondage you feel will also be alleviated through enacting the proper disciplines in your life.
This is the truth and you know it, so stop running and face it.
Willpower, Free Will and Free Won’t
You may not have willpower, and that may be your excuse. You may say that you just simply can’t.
When people say that they can’t, what they actually mean is that they won’t.
I’m not here to debate, but in my life I’ve seen a lot of people that believe that they do not have free will, and maybe they don’t have free will, maybe they don’t have the ability to make themselves do something they don’t want to do.
But one thing they all have in common is free won’t. They regularly decide what they will not do.
All day they make choices about what they won’t do, and a lot of the time they mask that behind the phrase “I Can’t”.
So how about we use that? How about we don’t focus just yet on all the things we should do.
Instead, let’s focus on some of the things we should not do, and then stop doing those things.
Discipline in the beginning starts by simply telling yourself NO. I won’t do that thing anymore, because it is harmful to me, and it is harmful to the future person I hope to be.
Building self confidence, just comes from telling yourself no over and over, and then following through with your promises to yourself.
Not about what you’re going to do, but about what you are going to stop doing. It’s about your free Won’t.
The person that you hope to be in the future, is totally depending on the person you are today to keep the promises that you made to yourself yesterday.
Keeping small promises over time to yourself, is how you build confidence, which gives you power which is what willpower is made of.
We are all aware of the things in our lives that are not serving us and that are stopping us from being who we want to be.
You have the ability to start telling yourself no. You have the ability to start replacing bad habits with good habits, this is important. Don’t just stop, replace, bad for good.
This is a choice we can all make, and bit by bit…. These choices added up over time create for us the autonomy that we all so deeply desire.
We can all get there, it may still yet be too far away for you to grasp, but your reach is being limited by the things you simply will not say NO to.
The freedom you seek is found in discipline, what are you going to do about that fact? Better yet, what are you going to stop doing?
Freedom Ain’t Free!